"Fig, the Infidel Toad"
"Fig"
Once upon a time there was a toad named Fig. Fig hated his name more than anything in the world, including racism and genocide.
“I hate my name!” Fig lamented.
Suddenly James Caviezel of The Passion of the Christ appeared in a puff of smoke.
“Who are you?” demanded a ticked-off Fig.
“I’m the guy who played Jesus Christ in that Mel Gibson movie.”
“How the hell did you appear in a puff of smoke?” asked Fig.
“Watch your language!” snapped Caviezel.
“You didn’t answer my question,” said Fig.
“What?” said the actor who played Christ.
“My question. How did you show up in a puff of smoke? You’re not Jesus himself, you’re just some dumb actor who wore a latex body suit and pretended to writhe around in pain,” said Fig.
Caviezel turned a deep shade of magenta and smoke blew out of his ears like steam from a steam whistle.
“I RESENT that!” Caviezel exclaimed, “A GOOD actor IS his character!”
“You’re Jesus Christ?” asked Fig, skeptically, “Then perform a miracle.”
“That’s the same thing they asked me to do when I was on the cross. I’m not falling for that trick,” answered Caviezel.
“Well, go fuck yourself, J.C.,” said the perturbed toad. And he began to walk away.
“Oh, you’ll regret this,” said the Christ wannabe, and he flipped open his cellphone.
“Mel,” said Caviezel, “do it.”
And suddenly Fig’s name was instantly “Faggot.”
Yes, Mel Gibson bribed God with all that money he made on the Passion of the Christ to retaliate against Fig, the infidel toad.
THE END
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