short attention span fiction
by lloyd
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"The Sexy Product" Once upon a time, there was a girl named Alice who frequented the town pharmacy in Pottersville, Indiana. Alice was lonely and liked to pretend that the sad little children in the pictures on child cold remedies were her friends. Alice developed a particular affinity for the little boy on the Dristan, Jr. box. She named him "Maximillian" and imagined that he was her boyfriend. Every weekend Alice would sit in the cold and allergy aisle of the town pharmacy and surround herself with boxes of cold medicine. Once Alice imagined that the girl on the Robutussin for Kids box ("Rachel," she named her) was her rival and was attempting to steal Maximillian from her. "You evil girl!" cried Alice, and she threw the bottle down the aisle. The bottle broke, of course, and unfortunately Alice’s parents were called and forced to pay. As a result of this mishap, Alice was forbidden to play in the pharmacy ever again. Alice protested, and as her parents dragged her, crying, from the pharmacy, she waved goodbye to Maximillian who was still sitting on the floor. Because she feared being beaten severely, Alice was a very obedient child, so she never ventured toward the pharmacy again. But Alice faked colds very often so that her mother would give her cold medicine. And, being a very smart girl, Alice would always request Dristan, Jr. Maximillian and Alice were able to spend hours and hours together this way, and when the box was too worn from her tears and kisses to see Maximillian’s face, she feigned illness, again, for a refill. Then, one day, Alice had grown up and realized she no longer needed her Dristan, Jr. and her Maximillian. She had real friends, now. She attended Smith. Married a judge after graduate school. Had three children. Then, one day, divorced and aged 57 years, Alice was in the CVS in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where she spotted a box of Just For Men hair dye. Her jaw dropped. Her pulse intensified. She began to perspire. On the box was a picture of Maximillian, all grown up! She bought the box of hair dye and rushed home. When she arrived she made mad, passionate love to it. And week after week she bought a replacement box until the company changed the model on the box cover and she died of a broken heart. THE END |
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